Update: I talked to Asus, and it was determined that I needed my BIOS chip
reflashed or needed a new one. They would have reflashed mine for free if I
sent it in and paid for shipping, but I didn't want to wait any longer than
necessary, so I just ordered a new chip with overnight shipping for $40
total. You can now order them right from the Asus website, without even
having to speak to anyone, which is nice. Sucks having to spend money on
something that their flash utility screwed up, but what can you do? All of
my work data is on SATA drives in my non-function machine, and I don't have
another SATA-capable computer here, so I can't access anything until I get
up and running again. Anyway, thanks for all of the help.